We have pets, but no children. We live an actively calm life unless we intervene otherwise. The quietude of our home and the speechless interaction with the other animals who reside with us sometimes inspires us to create a dialogue, a thought process, for any one of our three cats.
We have one who spends nearly all of her waking and sleeping hours in our office. During evenings and weekends, she can be found, at any involuntary breath, to be about five inches away from my face. But over the past several days, we have been rearranging our office and have moved our matters temporarily to the dining room. Yet, there, in the office, she has remained. And so I created a story for her in which she believed she had offended us in some way. She spent many hours feeling anxious and insecure about approaching us. Eventually, she emerged and casually brushed past us. “Hey guys, how’s it going?” she purred.
That’s it. Just a silly 30-second conversation that I relayed aloud in the second person.
They meow, they swipe, they loll about...but they never speak. And, so, sometimes, to amuse ourselves, we do it for them. <I believe this sentence to be accurately punctuated, but there seem to be an awful lot of commas. I should consider revising, but I won’t.
So there’s that oddity. And there’s also the common practice of naming a pet and then immediately, unexpectedly giving it a nickname. They are called only by what they were given when introduced to strangers or at the vet. Ours are as follows:
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| Grendl, aka Spazimodo, aka what do you mean by personal space? |
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| Puck, aka Asshole Face, aka guess how I got this name... |
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| Pyewacket, aka Fatty, aka no, really, the camera adds 10 pounds! |
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