This past Sunday, I decided it would be a smart idea to compare myself to others and then brutally give out lashes for every way in which I don’t measure up. At 43 and two-thirds, why am I not more educated and astute? Why have I not made a measurable difference in the world? Why am I not more traveled and fascinating? I vigorously analyzed each shortcoming and mentally self-flagellated until I was exhausted and raw. What an excellent way to spend my morning, right?
When I decided it was time leave my den of of degradation, my temptation was to build myself back up by making a contrast with those who don’t measure up to me. This is a common tactic that we all use in one way or another to boost our self-esteem, but it is truly misguided. I didn’t really realize how much, though, until I read this Harvard Business Review article on Monday morning.
It’s a bit of a long read, but worth it. What I absorbed from it is that when we try to evaluate our worth by what we’ve achieved, we revel in our greatness, which masks our deficiencies and makes us become complacent. If, instead, we accept that we do have deficiencies, but focus on addressing them rather than treating them like shameful weaknesses, we have a greater likelihood to change. If we need to change. I figure that if I’m dissatisfied with my status quo, then I do.
That known, I think that my habit of repeatedly talking about what I want to with my life and repeatedly not doing it—or not doing it at the level I promised myself—is in part caused by the artful dodge that says, "At least I’m not..."
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