The VP and my boss called me to an impromptu meeting early this morning. As I bent to sit down, I turned to one to search her expression for any clues, and then the other. But their faces were emotionless, until one began to speak.
She said, "Allison, you've really let yourself go. You've gained weight and you've lost your toned physique."
"I know," I said. I bowed my head in genuine shame.
She continued, "...And you haven't been applying yourself lately and it shows in your work."
:silence:
"You really haven't made any valuable contributions in several months."
"I know," I repeated. This time more automatically, without considering the accusation or its validity.
I thought we were just having a counseling meeting, but then she stood and said, "You're fired!"
"You can't," I said. "I've never been fired from anything in my life!"
As they escorted me to my cubicle with a box to clear out my desk, I continued to plead. Even as it dawned on me that it might be a hidden blessing. But my mind kept circling back to the disgrace of being fired. Not laid off for redundancy, but fired for inadequacy. And, for putting on weight, which I felt seemed pretty insignificant, and only related to my work in my ancillary role on our health and wellness team. Plus, it's only about five pounds. And, I hadn't been slacking at work at all! I cursed myself for agreeing so quickly when it's been quite the contrary.
I considered it could be a dream, but there we all were standing in my cube, packing up my belongings. As I pulled jar after jar of peanut butter from my overhead bin, I thought: wait, I don't have an overhead bin... And, then: wait, I don't eat peanut butter. It's too fattening...
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